My whole life.

This thing feels like those

ridiculous things where they

say it will be hard, and then it will

get harder.

And when you’re lying on the ground

barely able to pick yourself

off the ground it will get even harder

and even worse than before.

And just then you’ll see a

brightness, you’ll swear it’s a light

at the end of this nightmare

and you’ll dare to smile,

you’ll dare to welcome this

sunshine to kiss your skin,

you’ll imagine what it must feel like to feel

those green lush grassblades between your toes

as your feet sink into the carpetness of the grass

you’ll dare-

And then your eyes will begin to feel irritated

you’ll start coughing

your chest slowly tightening will remind

you that you always imagine such wildly

wonderfully wonderful things

You weren’t put here to walk on lush green grass.

You weren’t born to feel sunshine kissing your skin.

You weren’t delivered into this world to be filled with light.

You are here to live this hell and wear it well because heaven knows there’s nothing more graceful that a spirit held together by bits of artificial sunshine.

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