I know words. I know they exist. I know they carry meaning when they’re strung together-
Sentences expressing every thought, every emotion kept locked up in my heart.
I’m struggling with them. Words. It’s like I’m dyslexic. I’m losing my strength for words. I’m losing my ability to express anymore.
All the things I want to say will fall away as I forget the meaning. As I forget each moment and how it felt. As I forget the descriptions of the words. How each fits.
I don’t want to forget. Even as the words swim before my eyes. Dementia imagined, a whirlpool leaving me feeling inadequate. Stupid. Useless. Unloveable.
I brush off things. Excuse my forgetfulness. Fight off the thought that I’m on an edge where nothing makes sense and truth be told, it’s a scary place to be. I want my words again.